Severing a 22 year marriage was about as hard of trial that I’ve faced in my lifetime.   Divorce in my eyes was the ultimate failure; after all, I grew up with parents that believed in those ‘death do us part’ vows of their marriage.  And from all of the emotions that I experienced during and after my divorce, the feelings of guilt cut me to the core more than any emotion.

It was a heavy burden. 

The guilt of letting my spouse down after so many years.  Of not trying harder or seeing that counselor one last time to see if the marriage was still yet repairable.  Of failing my kids and realizing how they now viewed their dad….as flawed and imperfect.   Of letting my parents down. And what about my in-laws, who entrusted me with their daughter? I did believe in ‘death do us part’ in my marriage as well, and here I was moving on and creating a whole new life.

I remember the defining moment during my divorce that forever changed my emotional mindset and released me of this burden.   I was sitting at breakfast with my parents, tears welled up and crying over the guilt that I felt in letting everyone down.   My dad looked up at me and said “Daniel, get that out of your mind!  Jesus has already forgiven you and it’s already been wiped clear from his mind – and so have we all too.” 

My dad has since passed away, but those heartfelt words of wisdom started the healing process for me and I’ll never forget his gift!   And now, I’ve intentionally surrounded myself with family and close friends who are forever my support and encouragement when these negative guilt feelings try to creep back in my mind. 

Glasses by CADDIS Readers.

About Daniel Herrold

Daniel Herrold is a Divorced Dad of 3 daughters living in Tulsa, Oklahoma. He is one of the Co-Founders of Divorced Over Forty, a recently formed group that provides community to divorced men & women across the world who are in the 40’s, 50’s & 60’s. The DO40 community has enabled Daniel to pursue his passion for writing, where he writes on a number of topics including his own personal divorce journey, dating, and being a dad to three daughters.

3 thoughts on “About My Divorce

  1. I too grew up in household where my parents were married for 46 years. I believe in the sanctity of marriage as well.

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