One thing I think we all experience post divorce is feeling of being alone. It could be either in the physical sense (i.e. you’re lonely without a partner) or even in an every day sense (i.e. making every day decisions autonomously).

This is no different from a male perspective. After all, I was used to having a family unit around for 20+ years, so it’s a little earth shattering when things get turned upside down. I’m sure it’s no different than how one feels becoming an empty nester, except that you’re going through something painful along the way.

All these decisions I am now making for myself! I never had to make them before? Or I did then jointly. From financial decisions to what I’m going to eat tonight to what I’m gonna do on a Friday night – it’s all on me now!

I learned that this is a process. A process for healing and getting comfortable in your own skin. Becoming comfortable being by yourself. Of embracing the silence.

There are a few things that I did well along the way and a few things that I could have done a lot better or differently.

  • I did exercise. Nearly every day. Still do! It was a great way to keep distracted and release those endorphins, let alone feel good about your body.

  • I didn’t turn to a vice – like tobacco or alcohol or drugs. Or even sex! ? Sometimes we use these to numb ourselves in order to avoid this process, and I was fortunate not to go down that path

  • I should have focused on friendships and less on dating. Dating has been a new and exciting experience for me, but friendships are often long lasting…

  • I threw myself into my work – which was both good and bad. This required a lot of travel for me which kept me distracted, but it did always make me feel out of sorts & unorganized when I got home.

  • I should have sought a counselor or therapist during this time. Just someone to talk to. I think that would have accelerated my own personal healing.

The list could go on and on. The bottom line is this – if you’re lonely – keep yourself busy! But be busy doing constructive and positive things! Focus on family, friends, fitness or your faith. Things that will rise you up and not bring you down.


This blog was provided via @DivorcedOver40.

About Daniel Herrold

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Daniel Herrold is a Divorced Dad of 3 daughters living in Tulsa, Oklahoma. He is one of the Co-Founders of Divorced Over Forty, a recently formed group that provides community to divorced men & women across the world who are in the 40’s, 50’s & 60’s. The DO40 community has enabled Daniel to pursue his passion for writing, where he writes on a number of topics including his own personal divorce journey, dating, and being a dad to three daughters.